Pirates are not subtle.

I know I just wrote about pirates, but I think this is a good time to unveil my pirate pick up lines. These were invented by a friend and I to use while we ran cross country or road races dressed as pirates. That never became a reality but we did come up with these gems listed in order from least offensive to most offensive. Please read these out loud in your best pirate voice for desired effect.

1) Hold my hand…you’ll be hooked.

2) Yar, you put the CURVY in SCURVY!

3a) Have you seen my booty? Can I see yours?

3b) Have you seen my booty? Do you want to?

4) My peg leg’s not the only wood I’ve got.

5) Walking the plank is so dangerous…why don’t you just sit on it and wiggle around a little.

6) How do you feel about having your poop deck swabbed?

7) My pirate ship is long hard and full of seamen. You look like a suitable port.

I could pull a Carlos Mencia and take credit for this one, but I won’t.  This is the one that inspired us to come up with our own lines.

8 ) If you were a pirate would you put your parrot on this shoulder (touch near shoulder) or this shoulder? (put your arm around target)

and if you don’t like pick up lines and prefer to be direct try this one

9) I’m a pirate! Wanna screw?

If used correctly there is a very slim excellent chance that your night can turn out like this

Rope Burn.